Spookiest greetings to y'all
Why are monsters usually covered in wrinkles?
Have you ever tried to iron a monster?
That one just killed me ... possibly I need to get out more often.
Hard to tell what may happen by the end of this page. I
went completely insane last year with graphics - lots of bloodcurdling recipes too. If you
missed that, start at Vittles
on the Go and proceed at your own risk.
I haven't even tried to pick out gruesome recipes to pass along this year - they're everywhere and as I always say, each to their own guts. Start at Rexanne's Halloween - too faboo - links to all things spooky.
Last year a reader told me she was going to make a Kitty Litter Cake to accessorize her cat costume - what a hoot. Whatever your plans, go get the recipe here. I guarantee, no matter what the occasion, there is not another recipe on the planet better for creating entertaining reactions.
Thanks to Ann, I do have the perfect solution for Halloween din-din. Always good to have a pot going should any tasty tidbits appear at your door, or let's see ... should you not want to be disturbed ... that's it ... from a regular sit down meal when the bell starts ringing.
Ann's Black Bean Chili
"Great to take to pot-luck
parties. I made the mistake of telling my friends how easy it is to make and now they
tease me about bringing it ... like they think I can't cook or something. Hey, I'm not
stupid. If I can get away with just opening a few cans, then I say that's pretty smart.
Anyone can slave away in the kitchen all day, right?" (I certainly have no argument
with that, just a reminder ... don't tell! And bury the evidence well.)
2 cans black beans, drained
1 can corn, drained
1 can Mexican style chopped tomatoes, not drained, or bottled salsa
assorted spices like garlic or cumin
a dash or two of hot sauce, to taste
Place all ingredients in a microwavable dish, cover and heat until bubbly. Serve in bowls with sour cream, chopped green onions, taco chips, etc.
My twist: start by browning ground beef or turkey, drain, then add the rest of the stuff.
Right before Ann sent that, I found the following on the Pagan Table list. (Gotta love the instructions for an old-fashioned curse below too.)
Rice
with Black Beans & Corn
1 cup water
1/2 cup uncooked long-grain rice
4 plum tomatoes, chopped
1 (15-ounce) can black beans, rinsed and drained
1 (10-ounce) package frozen whole kernel corn, thawed
4 green onions, chopped
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1/4 cup lime juice
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
Bring 1 cup water to a boil in a large saucepan; stir in rice. Cover, reduce heat, and
simmer 20 minutes or until liquid is absorbed and rice is tender. Add tomato and remaining
ingredients. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until heated. Makes 8 servings.
Yes I realize it's a more-than-fiver, notice though - veggies and starch covered in one deal. I could not find any fresh cilantro, the dried stuff was fine and has since made an interesting addition to a variety of standbys like chicken and noodles or chicken salad. You must also use Fritos instead of crackers. I don't often "must" you - trust me on this. It's a Texas thang - actually, for true authenticity, you dump the chili into a Fritos bag - I'm not kidding.
Now about that curse ... specifically, it's for hushing gossips but it occurred to me certain other bothersome types might benefit :)
On a sheet of paper write the names of those who are gossiping about you. Make a recipe of bread dough. Pinch off enough to make a small loaf and tuck the paper inside the load. Bake til done. Now go outside and leave the bread intact out for the birds. As they pick it apart, the ones who are picking you apart will stop. (Origin note: passed along by someone's Russian granny.)
I happened to have a friend who was having a real problem with someone at the time so I sent the recipe to her - her reply, "Cool - can I use the dough in the tube for rolls, ya think?" Had to send that to Arwen, "Sure ... if it is the Pillsbury Dough Boy! LOL ... why not! This was a hoot!" She also gave me a new Less-than-Fiver!
Arwen's Taco Rice
1 lb. hamburger meat
1/4 onion, chopped
1 packet of taco seasoning
2/3 C water
2 cups cooked rice
2/3 cup of cheddar cheese, cubed
Start rice. (1 cup dry to 2 cups water) Fry hamburger and onions. Add taco seasoning and
water. Turn down fire and let it simmer while rice finishes. Dump in cooked rice. Now
stir. Add cheese. Stir til melted. Suggestion: add sour cream and taco sauce at the table.
I hope you'll 'scuse me for rushing/mixing the holidays - this was way too good to sit on. Thanks to all who sent me a copy and Debra Ramos, author.
Dear Santa,
I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy
slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply.
I want to slap Martha Stewart.
Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything. Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek. I get all cozy inside just thinking about it. Don't grant this wish just for me, do it for thousands of women across the country.
Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all. Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with gracious living.
We feel pretty good about ourselves if our paper plates match when we stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner.
We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from hollyhock dipped in 18 carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid - gold. Unless it's of the furniture polish variety.
We can't whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce, spiced with turmeric. Most of us can't even say turmeric, let alone figure out what to do with it.
OK, Santa, maybe you think I'm being a little harsh. But I'll bet with all the holiday rush you didn't catch that interview with Martha in last week's USA Weekend. I'm surprised there was enough room on the page for her ego.
We discovered that not only does Martha avoid take-out pizza (she's only ordered it once), she refuses to eat it cold. (No cold pizza? Is Martha Stewart Living?) When it was pointed out that she could microwave it, she replied, "I don't have a microwave."
The reporter, Jeffrey Zaslow, noted that she said this "in a tone that suggests you shouldn't either." Well lah-dee-dah. Imagine that, Santa!
That lovely microwave you brought me years ago, in which I've learned to make complicated dishes like popcorn and hot chocolate, has been declared undesirable by Queen Martha. What next? The coffee maker?
In the article, we learned that Martha has 40 sets of dishes adorning an entire wall in her home. Forty sets. Can you spell "overkill"? And neatly put away, no less. If my dishes make it to the dishwasher, that qualifies as "put away" in my house!
Martha tells us she's already making homemade holiday gifts for friends. "Last year, I made amazing silk-lined scarves for everyone," she boasts. Not just scarves, mind you. Amazing scarves. Martha's obviously not shy about giving herself a little pat on the back. In fact, she does so with such frequency that one has to wonder if her back is black and blue.
She goes on to tell us that "homemaking is glamour for the 90s," and says her most glamorous friends are "interested in stain removal, how to iron a monogram, and how to fold a towel." I have one piece of advice, Martha: "Get new friends."
Glamorous friends fly to Paris on a whim. They drift past the Greek Islands on yachts, sipping champagne from crystal goblets. They step out for the evening in shimmering satin gowns, whisked away by tuxedoed chauffeurs. They do not spend their days pondering the finer art of toilet bowl sanitation.
Zaslow notes that Martha was named one of America's 25 most influential people by Time magazine (nosing out Mother Theresa, Madeline Albright and Maya Angelou, no doubt).
The proof of Martha's influence: after she bought white-fleshed peaches in the supermarket, Martha says, "People saw me buy them. In an instant, they were all gone." I hope Martha never decides to jump off a bridge.
A guest in Martha's home told Zaslow how Martha gets up early to roller blade with her dogs to pick fresh wild blackberries for breakfast. This confirms what I've suspected about Martha all along: She's obviously got too much time on her hands. Teaching the dogs to roller blade. What a show off.
If you think the dogs are spoiled, listen to how Martha treats her friends: She gave one friend all 272 books from the Knopf Everyman Library. It didn't cost much. Pocket change, really. Just $5,000. But what price friendship, right?
When asked if others should envy her, Martha replies, "Don't envy me. I'm doing this because I'm a natural teacher. You shouldn't envy teachers. You should listen to them." Zaslow must have slit a seam in Martha's ego at this point, because once the hot air came hissing out, it couldn't be held back.
"Being an overachiever is nothing despicable. It is only admirable. Never lower your standards," says Martha. And of her web page on the Internet, Martha declares herself an "important presence" as she graciously helps people organize their sad, tacky little lives.
There you have it, Santa. If there was ever someone who deserved a good smack, it's Martha Stewart. But I bet I won't get my gift this year.
You probably want to smack her yourself.
Happy Happy - keep that bread-baking-for-the-birds thing in mind.
I do apologize for taking so long to use the following contributions - the computer imps have been working overtime. If you sent something and have not heard back from me, please send again.
From Marianne: When the dishwasher is a
little grungy ... throw in a very large scoop of Tang. Thin fillets of fish
seasoned and wrapped in double foil can go on the top rack at the same time if
you like. Make sure you put the machine on pot scrubber. When it's done ... your
fish is cooked and the dishwasher is spanking clean and white.
From Liz: Throw the roast in a pan with chopped carrots, celery, onion and canned whole taters. Set oven to 325 and go shopping for three or four hours. Come home after the man who has become delirious after the aroma hit him while opening the garage door.
From Juanita: Lazy Man Cobbler
1 15 oz. can of peaches (sliced)
(or any other fruit)
1 box of Jiffy cake mix
1 stick of margarine (melted)
1 tsp. vanilla flavoring
cinnamon to taste (and you can add nutmeg also if desired)
Preheat oven to 350. Spray casserole dish with cooking spray. Put can of peaches in
casserole dish. Add the vanilla flavoring and mix. Sprinkle the box of Jiffy cake mix on
top, coating well. Do not mix. Pour the margarine over the top.
Sprinkle cinnamon on top to your taste. Bake for 45 minutes or until the top is browned
well.
From Gene: Easy Cheese Soufflé - from a very old out-of-print cookbook, (The Bible Cookbook, by Marian Maeve O'Brien, 1958). I first ate this dish at the home of a friend who asked us to lunch, and I couldn't believe how easy. You don't have to mess about with white sauce.
1 can condensed cream soup (asparagus,
chicken, celery, whatever)
3/4 cup grated cheese
4 eggs, separated
Heat the oven to 325. Place undiluted soup and cheese in the top of a double boiler (I don't do this, don't hafta) and cook, stirring, until the cheese melts. Stir in the egg yolks one at a time. Blend thoroughly, then cool. (This much of the dish may be prepared ahead of time.) When ready to bake, beat the egg whites until stiff enough to hold soft peaks, then fold into the first mixture. Pour into a buttered 1 1/2-quart casserole and place in a pan containing an inch of hot water. Bake at 300 for an hour and 15 minutes. Yields 4 servings (or 2 if no dessert). You can also stir in a cup of leftovers: vegetables, finely cut meat, etc.)
Gene is the foodie at The Vallejo Times-Herald Online. Check out her column under the Appetites section. We've been swapping stories ever since she asked about using the Pear Bake on page one of Diary of a Mad Politically Incorrect Cook. I have promised to report how I manage to screw up the soufflé. Ordinarily egg separations are my don't-even-think-about-it factor. Altogether the rest looks easy enough, so who knows.
Gotta hang it up. The almost-crash creepies are winning tonight.
Please remember, no chocolate for four-legged creepy critters.
Vittles
on the Go, part 1 ~ old Halloween pages begin, great graphics (I did get a
lit-tle carried away, like 8 pages worth)
http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/VotGpart1.index.html
Howling cute
critters in costume
http://www.therealmartha.com/HalloCritters/index.htm
Halloween Furkid Funfair
http://www.therealmartha.com/FurkidFunfair/index.htm
Back to
Feeder's Digest #15
Outside linkers
http://www.spookmaster.com/pumpkin-carving-patterns-freebies.htm
http://www.ladyszoo.com/Halloween.html - Halloween in the Bronx
Greta's Place
Women's Best Kept Secrets
Check out Greta's Cop Cookbook too ~ real cops, TV and
movie good guys favorites, pics and trivia too.
(*.~)
Don't forget to check the latest on the man-bash pages http://www.therealmartha.com/man2/index.htm
That's the semi-clean edition. If you don't mind the slightly stronger four letter words, request the secret pages address. Far be it from me to offend the innocent.
Forward to:
Much miscellanea (notes unearthed on a cleaning binge ... now that's really scary!)
Feeder's Digest #17 Valentine Edition
Dig around the rest of the site too ... send a page to a friend (even good cooks who know what they're doing appreciate a less-than-fiver break). Copy the URL and paste into e-mail - aolers can drag the heart at the top of page in to create a click-on link.
TheRealMartha.com
Main recipe index and variety pages ~ critters, crafts, comedy, commentary,
controversy and
more
http://www.therealmartha.com/indexgraphiccr/default.htm
Queen C's Can-tagious Can Cuisine
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/easyrecipes.index.html
Diary of a Mad Politically Incorrect
Cook
http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/diarymadpicook.index.html
Bubba Gourmet
http://members.aol.com/AltMartha/BubbaGourmet.index.html
Feeder's Digest begins
http://members.aol.com/MsAtte2ude/FDintro.index.html