Enjoy your visit!

"I consider not using the speed dial to order pizza as home cooking." Deneen

Sound like home? I consider that a true modern classic.

Obviously there is a reason to cook. If you have to get on the phone, you might not be able to get back on the 'net. One of the new signs of addiction on a list making the rounds seems appropriate here: You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted to check your mail and while there you "just wanted to see who was online."

To add one of my own ... in the middle of reading the list, as the maintenance guy was leaving, I said, "Try to stay cool." He said, "Oh actually it's a very nice day out."

"No kidding, I haven't checked the temp yet ... here's a novel concept, maybe I'll go outside."

Wrote that several weeks ago, my how things have changed. I now know exactly what the weather is doing - all the time - thanks to Buster a.k.a. my new addiction. Yea, yea, I'll get to the recipes in a little while, first things first. I am a person who needs a dog, altho I wasn't quite ready to go out looking for one. Mike kept saying one would "appear" - gawd, I hate it when he's right. "A guy at work is getting divorced ... " (BTW - that's as lame as it gets, everybody told me to get rid of Liberty too when life wasn't exactly all peachy and convenient. My suggestion to get rid of their kids closed that subject.) Meet Buster da Dude.

Let me know if you have recently adopted a new critter - I'll be happy to make the announcement. Can't promise to use pics, but if you send one I'll do my best. I've also been getting a lot of positive feedback about Lib's memorial links. I know it helps me to keep working on her pages and it's nice to know it's appreciated. The "boss" is still around in spirit, even had some new articles published on a site that seems to be doing a lot of good work. All the links are scattered around - her site is almost as big as this one now - bring the Kleenex but there's a ton of hilarious stuff too. Dog's Eye View

I've also been working on a mischief page that started over a very naughty joke. Now it's a case of can't stop. My apologies to the guys in advance, I did try to make it up to you with a link to The Real Man's Cookbook. Try to look at the whole thing as general education (as in BUSTED - truly we love you, and wouldn't have you any other way - just know that we know). The Beast at Home.

This little guy has become the official mascot of this site.

I thought that was a very cool attitude so I asked if I could borrow him. What better representation - we all gotta fall on our face more than a few times before any real progress is made. Nowhere is that more true than in the kitchen. I'm all for positive thinking, great expectations and all that rah rah, however, facts is facts :)

Go see Shirley's pages: Gran Gran's This and That (She's come a long way, graphics are some of the best out there.) - link also on Cats PJs Award page with a bunch of other new goodies.

Notice that this is not a bad thing ... certain html tricks are starting to stick to my brain.

Alrighty then - onward, starting with the first winners of the

Right Royal Piggin' Award and site winners

From Liz: My favorite fudge recipe passed down from my Grandma in Kentucky.

White Fudge
2.25 cups granulated sugar
.50 cup sour cream
.25 cup milk
2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon corn syrup
.25 tsp. salt
2 tsp. vanilla
Optional: 1 cup chopped nuts, .33 cup quartered cherries

Combine sugar, sour cream, milk, butter, corn syrup, and salt in a 2 quart saucepan. Stir over moderate heat until mixture reaches a boil. Boil over moderate heat 9 to 10 minutes to 238 degree Fahrenheit (soft ball stage). {I always drop just a bit of mixture from a fork into a small glass of cool water - if it all sticks together then it's ready to remove from the heat.} Remove from heat and allow to stand until lukewarm, (110 degree F), (let stand about 1 hour) {it's usually less for me- around 30-45 minutes, just check it often.}: Add vanilla and beat until mixture just begins to lose gloss and hold shape. Quickly stir in nuts and cherries. Pour into a 9" x 9" or loaf buttered pan. Cool. Makes 1.50 lbs.

If you really like sweet stuff, this will grab ya! 
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From Ernie: Thought you might like this recipe I got from the grocery store (of all places). I must warn you, though, the stuff is addictive.

Death by Chocolate

One of those oversize (or two regular) packages of brownie mix
Two packs of chocolate fudge pudding mix
One big tub of Cool Whip
Eight Skor or Heath (toffee) candy bars
Two cups of Kahlua (coffee liqueur)

Make the brownies and the pudding as per package directions and allow to cool. Using a fork, poke holes all over brownies. Pour Kahlua over brownies. Without unwrapping them (very important, unless you LIKE to clean :), break candy bars into small pieces
by banging them onto the kitchen counter. Now, half everything, and start layering in a LARGE bowl.
First layer : crumbled up brownies
Second layer: pudding
Third layer : Cool Whip
Fourth layer: crumbled up candy bars

You'll end up with eight layers in all. Refrigerate, and get ready to expire from the taste. Darn! is it good !!!

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Let's hear it for the chocoholics and those who enable us. The following could be considered a patch for those nasty ol' health urges should they arise.

And cheers to ... Four Reasons Chocolate is Good for You

Tofu

A well-dressed man approached a woman at a health food store and asked her exactly what she did with the tofu in her basket. She said she normally puts it in the refrigerator, looks at it for several weeks and then throws it away. The man replied: "That's exactly what my wife does with it. I was hoping you had a better recipe."

Dieting?

If you're not getting enough food, add another diet.

Gotta throw this in here too - This Is Heaven ...
A senior couple had died in an accident. They had been in good health the last 10 years mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and hot tub. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter replied, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet?  This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part ... you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven."

With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it and shrieking wildly. His wife and Peter tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!"

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From Wendy and Ruth: My mom and I are looking for a recipe for Nothing Pudding, which was popular during the depression. It has molasses, flour, soda, and one other ingredient (which qualifies it for your "five or less" rule, but we don't know enough to go from there). Does this ring any bells with you?

Unfortunately, it didn't, so I asked good ol' Betty Crocker:

"Thank you for visiting the Betty Crocker Web Site. It's always a pleasure to provide one of my favorite recipes to interested cooks. While we couldn't find a recipe with that title perhaps one of these is the recipe you are looking for. Hopefully, you'll also try some of the recipes that are located throughout the web site. Please let us know what you think of them."

Gotta love Betty, she does a helluva job for a figment. OMG, didn't you know? That beloved and revered icon of domesticity was born as an ad gimmick. I know, it hurts.

Hasty Pudding

3/4 cup yellow cornmeal
3/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup cold water
2 1/2 cups boiling water
Butter, margarine or half-and-half
Molasses or sugar

Mix cornmeal, salt and cold water in 2-quart saucepan. Gradually stir in boiling water.   Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture thickens and boils; reduce heat to low. Cover and cook 10 minutes. Serve warm with butter and molasses. 4 servings.

Indian Pudding

 3 cups milk
 2/3 cup dark molasses
 2/3 cup yellow cornmeal
 1/3 cup sugar
 1 teaspoon salt
 3/4 teaspoon cinnamon
 3/4 teaspoon nutmeg
 1/4 cup butter
 1 cup milk

Heat oven to 300. Grease a 2-quart casserole. In medium saucepan, heat 3 cups milk and the molasses. Stir together cornmeal, sugar, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg. Stir gradually into the hot liquid. Add butter, cook and stir over low heat until mixture thickens, about 10 minutes. Pour into prepared casserole. Pour 1 cup milk over pudding; do not stir. Bake 3 hours. If desired, serve with ice cream or whipped cream. 8 servings.

I have not heard back if those fit the bill, if anyone else has any other ideas, please let me know. I also need pickle recipes - this is absolutely weird, had three requests in the last two weeks. Heaven forbid, is there a pickling trend (gherkins in particular) that I am unaware of? One reader (thanks Allen - for not suggesting I should be pickled for losing your name before) suggested searching Yahoo which came up with (among others, but not many) B's Cucumber Pages. You might also try Ma Pickle. Lois (who never fails me, check out links to her corner in my index) sent this:

I really know nothing about canning. It always struck me as a heck of a lot of work to do just to have vegetables. (I agree. All I ever have done or intend to do that would come close to pickling would be slicing cucumbers as thin as possible and soaking in white vinegar and sugar with red onion slices.) Here are two recipes I found. One must have been given to me by a friend ... it has "very good" written on it and it is dated 1989.

Joann Blanchard's 7-Day Pickles

1. Go to store or better yet to a farmer's vegetable stand and buy 10 medium cucumbers.
2. Bring these green gems home and wash real good.
3. Place in crock or canner (not regular pan).
4. Cover with boiling water. Allow to stand 24 hours.
5. Drain and repeat three more times. (This must be where the 7 day part comes in.)
6. Slice into 1/2" pieces.
7. Bring to a boil:
    8 cups sugar
    2 Tablespoons pickling spices
    5 teaspoons salt
    4 cups cider vinegar
   Boil 5 minutes
7. Pour over sliced cucumbers. Let stand 2 days.
8. Bring to a boil and seal in hot jars.

DISCLAIMER: I have no idea what is involved in step 8. Perhaps the person who wanted the pickle recipes knows how to do this kind of thing. I do remember you have to be very careful about sterilizing the jars before you put things in them or really bad things could happen - like food poisoning. I sent it only because I think the recipe itself is funny.

Frozen Sliced Sweet Dill Pickles

1 lb. 3" unwaxed cucumbers
3/4 lb. 2" yellow onions
4 teaspoons salt
3/4 to 1 cup sugar
1/2 cup cider vinegar
2 Tablespoons water
1 teaspoon dried dill weed...or more to taste

Slice cucumbers 1/8" thick (about 4 cups packed). Slice onions 1/8" thick (about 2 cups packed). Mix cucumbers, onion, salt and water in a 2 quart bowl (NOT aluminum) and let stand for about 2 hours. Drain, but do not rinse. Return vegetables to bowl and add sugar, vinegar and dill. Let stand until sugar has dissolved completely and liquid covers the vegetables. Stir from time to time. Pack in glass or plastic containers (leave 1" headspace) and seal tightly. Freeze. To serve, defrost in refrigerator or at room temperature.

Jean Maryott, Bethesda, Maryland - From "Head Table Cooks" published by the American Camellia Society, Inc., Fort Valley, GA 1982  (Great cookbook BTW.)

Also found the following on a list (for what it's worth, cooking cosmetics is pushing it a bit here), from: http://www.botanical.com/botanical/mgmh/c/cucum123.html#rec

As a cosmetic, cucumber is excellent for rubbing over the skin to keep it soft and white. It is cooling, healing and soothing to an irritated skin, whether caused by sun, or the effects of a cutaneous eruption, and cucumber juice is in great demand in various forms as a cooling and beautifying agent for the skin. Cucumber soap is used by many women, and a cucumber wash applied to the skin after exposure to keen winds is extremely beneficial.

Cucumber Lotion

Peel 1 or 2 large cucumbers, cut them into slices, and place them in a double boiler, which should be closely covered. Cook them slowly until they are soft. Then put the pieces into a fine linen bag and squeeze them until all the juice has been extracted. Add to the extracted juice one-fourth of rectified spirits of wine (or whisky) and one-third of elder flower water. Shake the mixture well and pour into small bottles ready for use.

Another Cucumber Lotion for Sunburn

Chop up a Cucumber and squeeze out the juice with a lemon squeezer. Mix this with a quantity of glycerin and rose water mixed together in equal parts.

Cucumber juice is used in the preparation of glycerin and cucumber creams. After expression and clarification, it is treated with alcohol, benzoin or salicylic acids being added as preservatives.

Emollient ointments prepared from the cucumber were formerly considerably employed in irritated states of the skin, but they have been largely superseded by non-fatty cosmetics. The most frequently used preparation of cucumber at the present time is known as cucumber jelly, which is used as a soothing application in roughness of the skin, etc. It consists of a jelly of tragacanth, quince seeds or some similar mucilaginous drug, flavoured with cucumber juice, which imparts to the preparation a characteristic odour.

The lotion sold in shops as Glycerinc and Cucumber sometimes contain cucumber juice, but more frequently this is conspicuous by its absence.

I am a little slow at times, Bubba pointed out this is cuke pickin' time :)

In any case ... a trend I would like to start and that would be coupons WORTH messing with. I honestly admire those who are on top of that game - it's a miracle when I manage to save anything on groceries. For all my good intentions, I do well to remember to take a list with me. I'm a pitiful case but I do try and it would certainly be easier to get motivated about a buck or two than 25 cents. If you agree, tell me. Also, what kind of products you'd be interested in and where you live. If response justifies, I'll see what I can do about getting a few exclusive test specials posted here. I'm trying to get a response form working but in the meantime, e me.

Pat me on the back tho, I did get a printable order form for the book done. As always, delivered in a plain brown wrapper, money-back guarantee. BTW, I won't use your address (snail or e) for anything else, except maybe a newsletter one of these days (don't hold your breath). However, I just read something about creating a "secret" page for subscribers - not a bad idea - certainly less trouble than a password set up. Let me know whatcha think. At least I wouldn't have to worry about accidentally offending someone. Check out the Spice Cabinet - things could get a lot more interesting.

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From Kim Livingston: I loved your gravy section. As a true Texan will tell you, cream gravy is the only way to go. (Also known as Red-Eye gravy.) My family has what we call a cholesterolfest about every 4 to 6 months, consisting of canned biscuits, fried ham or pork chops (coated with flour, salt, and pepper of course), fried potatoes and gravy, which is poured on all of the above. The only healthy thing on the menu is a salad and iced tea with no sugar. The gravy is made, of course, from the leftover grease after the meat is cooked. Excess grease is poured off into a jar to be used at a later date. Adds flavor to potatoes, eggs, or anything else you wish to fry. This is a recycling tip I learned from my grandmas at an early age. Hope you enjoy the tip also.

Bubba jes' kept noddin' his head and sayin' yep when I read that one to him.

Also from Kim: The following is a favorite at my house. It dirties one pot, spoon, and a casserole dish!!

2 cans cream of chicken soup
2 cans Swanson's boned chicken
1 can green enchilada sauce
1 can chopped green chilies - small

Mix in pot until just bubbly. Pour over crushed Doritos Nacho Cheese or Salsa Verde in casserole dish (about 9 oz.). Top with 2 cups grated cheese. Heat in oven or microwave until cheese melts. Takes about 10 -15 minutes to make. Feeds our five with some leftover for hubby's lunch next day.

Another request, Tex-Mex style ...

My latest culinary project is trying to duplicate Frito-Lay Jalapeno Bean Dip from canned refried beans - the little cans of bean dip are just not big enough for a big bag of Fritos Scoops. I tried chili-izing the refrieds, and I tried chopped up jalapenos - but I really want the perfect shortcut. I'm thinking maybe that new jalapeno Tabasco sauce.

Unfortunately, I am a wimp when it comes to anything hotter than ice cream sooooo - help please - thanks in advance. Check out these two links for more Tex info.

www.buildingtexas.com and www.texaswritersweb.com

DB is a nice guy, tell him I sent ya.

And if you have a great Texas recipe, submit it to

Take a Bite out of Texas

Whilst we are still hanging around the South, try the following from Deneen, pizza speed-dialer and SonShine News publisher.

Grilled or Baked Cajun Chicken

This is one of those not-measured recipes. It's one I made up. I use whatever different Cajun spices I can find. Soak chicken in a mixture of one can of beer and Cajun spices (about two tablespoons) overnight in the fridge. Then take it out of the beer and put on grill or in baking pan. Sprinkle more Cajun spices on it. Use leftover beer/spice to baste. Then grill or cook in the oven at 350° for one hour. Flavor is out of this world.

Lil' safety note: never serve a leftover marinade "raw" - nuke or otherwise heat to boiling for use as a dip. Also be careful about cleaning the grill transport platter in very hot water if using to serve later.

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Vocabulary lesson - all is fair ;-)

Rechauffe: A nice French word for reheated leftovers.

Salamoagondi: Meatloaf made from leftovers. Discovered and made famous by an 18th century French chef named Gonis. From The Encyclopedia of Cooking Estoterica

I love stuff like that, also just got the Master Cook CD. It's loaded with spiffy definitions that are not in a regular dictionary. Let me know if you need a translation if you happen to see an otherwise interesting list of ingredients. Supposedly, the program is also useful for setting up your own recipe files - haven't tried it yet tho. I keep my stuff in notepad, with hard copy back up (and these pages). My filing systems are pathetic - any brilliant ideas out there? A reader also asked if I knew of a database program available online that helps to store recipes. I have seen them - can't remember where.

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I am quite sure, as usual, that I am forgetting something or somebody - please let me know if so. I'll catch ya next page.

TheRealMartha@Mindspring.com

Check out Caricatures by Rina before you go - very cool custom cartoons that make great gifts. We made T-shirts out of a few of them too - let me know if you have requests. Haven't figured out prices for iron-on transfers yet but I will.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up ... makes perfect sense to me :)

And here's a scary thought - The average person ingests about a ton of food and drink each year.

from AbsoluteTrivia.com - The Totally Trivia Search Engine
 http://www.absolutetrivia.com/Food_and_Drink

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